There are some relationships that you believe will last forever - the best friend who more or less lived with you over the summer, the first person who gazed into your eyes and hesitantly whispered "I love you," the college roommate you thought you couldn't live with, the college roommate you thought you couldn't live without. And then there are the relationships you're surprised ever formed in the first place.
November 15, 2010 I entered into a relationship with St. Stephen Lutheran Church. Within 8-10 weeks I was relatively confident that the relationship would meet its eventual end rather swiftly. And yet a full 365 days later here I am, more deeply involved than I had planned to get.
"Youth director" was a position that I very much wanted for myself when I was sophomore or junior in college. But by the time I graduated, I was pretty sure that youth ministry wasn't my calling. My inability to survive a game of dodge ball, define "spiritual formation," or turn in my medical forms on time were just a few of the many red flags. But months of unemployment and empty job searches often leads one to reconsidering what they thought they were "meant to do in the world." By September of 2010 I was will to "have a go" at just about anything, including copy-editing for an animal-testing facility, attending a roller derby, applying to be a jewelry salesperson, and attending free yoga classes.
Chance circumstances and some small amount of networking led to my finding St. Stephen and to St. Stephen finding me. We met through a friend, a "sister" to use ecclesial lingo. That sister was Bethany Lutheran Church, the congregation at which I interned from May-August of 2010. Bethany and I both knew our relationship would be a summer fling from the start. It was really rather kind that she would think of setting me up with another congregation at all. I remember hearing about St. Stephen shortly after I started with Bethany, but I had no interest - Liberty (where St. Stephen was located) was an hour's drive from Overland Park, and I wasn't really looking for a long-distance relationship. By the end of the summer, though, I was a little desperate, and suddenly the distance didn't seem so bad. St. Stephen sent out an e-mail advertising that they were interested in starting a relationship with a youth director. I responded. There was some initial contact and then I waited for 4-6 weeks, wondering if the church was going to "make a move."
It did. And we had our first interview. The interview went well. I generally liked the people I spoke with, and even though I'd gotten lost on my way there and was hot and sweaty from a summer car ride without air conditioning, St. Stephen didn't seem to mind. I felt a sense of comfort and familiarity. I liked St. Stephen. It would be okay if things didn't work out, but in the back of my mind I think I was hoping for a second date...er, interview. Two days later I received a call, but it wasn't from St. Stephen.
It was from Xenometrics, the company I'd been interviewing with earlier in the month. I felt like a bit a of a player entertaining two job offers at the same time, but what was I to do? Xenometrics had approached me long before St. Stephen, and after 2-3 months of job-hunting I was flattered to be pursued. They offered me a cube, good base pay, and the chance to use my editing skills in a professional setting. St. Stephen wasn't ready to commit, and wouldn't even be getting back to me for another several weeks. Xenometrics had taken me home, introduced me to the family, and offered me a position.
I complied. I was tired of uncertainty and thought I ought to take a definite offer rather than waiting for what might be. A month later St. Stephen asked me to return, this time on a Sunday morning. I attended both worship services (traditional and contemporary). The first reminded me of my liturgical childhood and visits to my grandparents' church; the second of my elementary years of singing "Shout to the Lord" and "Change My Heart O God." It felt familiar and friendly. I liked St. Stephen's community. They were kind and welcoming, a family I might want to be a part of, or at least have dinner with. After the services I was taken out to lunch and interviewed on a more personal level. I did my best to be myself, to give a fair representation of who I was and why I was interested in possibly taking this position. If St. Stephen didn't think we were a good match, that was fine, I just wanted them to know what they were in for.
Two weeks later I was on my way to Shawnee Mission Park when I received a phone call from St. Stephen. I was suddenly acutely aware of the beating of my heart and my throat involuntarily began to close. "We wanted to let you know that the committee has made their decision." Silent pause. I braced myself. "And we'd like to ask you to serve as the youth director at St. Stephen." I was shocked. I don't even remember what my words were, but I'm sure I mentioned that I was flattered, and that I needed some time to think about it. St. Stephen may or many not have been surprised by this, but the fact of the matter was that I had already taken a job and I was pretty happy with it. I didn't want to leave a good thing unless I was moderately sure about it. They gave me a week.
I thought and fought and just wasn't sure what to do about it. Xenometrics seemed safe. There was little chance of getting overly attached. I could leave at any time and pursue my greater dreams of teaching and traveling. There were not commitments, no contract. No one would get hurt in the process. St. Stephen, on the other hand, would require investing more than time. Church relationships tend to happen at a heart-level. St. Stephen, I believed, was looking for something long-term and committed. I wasn't. But everyone I talked to told me this might be a good idea, that maybe I needed a little stability in my life and committing to a position that might last more than four months would be good for me.
Not wanting to be dishonest, I expressed my concerns to the pastor. We talked through the possibility that I might leave within a year's time, and he assured me that as long as we made progress between the time I started and the time I left that my work there would be good, that the relationship would be worthwhile for me and for the congregation. I decided to accept advice, and followed the small urging of my heart to enter into a relationship with St. Stephen. Three days later Xenometrics broke up with me, never really explaining why, merely stating that "it's not you, it's me....I'm going in a different direction. You're too good for me." I cried, made some Indian food, bought a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream, rented a movie and got over it. Within less than a month I printed business cards that read "Amanda Kuehn, Youth Director, St. Stephen Lutheran Church, Liberty, MO."
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