Different Relationships, Similar Issues

And then two weeks after saying "yes" to St. Stephen, I was faced with a relationship of a different kind. Once again, I wasn't really looking to get involved. I wasn't ready to commit. I had other plans, other hopes, other aspirations. I knew how entrenching and binding relationships could be. I was happy with my friends, my co-workers, and my own company. And yet, similar to the the thought process that led to my first interview with St. Stephen, I considered it and concluded I'd at least give it a try.


Chance circumstances and some small amount of networking led to my finding David and to David finding me. We met through a friend, a "sister" in Christ, to use ecclesial language. That sister was my friend, Ellen, who was part of a rather social small group Bible study made up of members from our church. Unlike Bethany, Ellen never intended to set me up with David. I think I first met him at a church potluck/game night or something of that nature. I don't really remember, though I'm sure he does. Sometime around the end of October I decided to hang out with the aforementioned small group. David seemed to need a friend. I responded. There was some initial contact and communication regarding our mutual car searches, and then I waited for a while, not really thinking that he was going to make a move and not really wanting him to either. 

But he did. The third weekend in November (the same weekend I was installed at St. Stephen), David offered to help me cook a turkey for a Thanksgiving meal we were having at my house. It was a stressful, emotional, wonderful weekend full of food, friends, and copious conversation. We talked about past relationships and college and Kansas City and a lot of other things I don't really remember. I generally liked David and even though I got really worked up about getting our meal finished on time and spent a good portion of the time he was over wearing sweatpants and spilling things, David didn't seem to mind. I felt a sense of comfort and familiarity, the way I did when I spent time with my college friends. I liked David. It would be okay if nothing ever happened, but somewhere in the back of my mind I think I was hoping that we would be friends. One week later he took that a step further and asked me to go on a date.


During the date I did my best to be myself, to give a fair representation of who I was and why I was on this date in the first place. If David didn't think we were a good match, that was fine, I just wanted him to know what he was in for. Whether or not he did I can't say, but he did ask me out again. And again. And before I realized what I had agreed to I was regularly seeing someone and wasn't quite sure what to do about it. 

Remaining distant seemed safe. There was little chance of getting overly attached. I could leave at any time and pursue my greater dreams of teaching and traveling. There were no commitments, no expectations. No one would get hurt in the process. An exclusive relationship, on the other hand, would require investing more than time. David, I believed, was looking for something long-term and committed. I wasn't. But everyone I talked to told me this might be a good idea, that maybe I needed a little stability in my life and committing to another person other than myself would be good for me. 


Not wanting to be dishonest, I expressed my concerns to him. We talked through the possibility that I might leave within a year's time, and he assured me that as long as we made progress during the time we were together it would be good, that the relationship would be worthwhile for me and for him. I decided to accept advice, and followed the small urging of my heart to enter into a relationship. One year later I am still uncertain of how long it will last or where it will go, but the fact that it is, is enough for today.